No More "Cutting Away"
A teen's story on how she regained her life and self esteem
My name is Stephanie Thompson. I am 17 years old. Since I was 13 I was depressed and thought suicidal thoughts. It was kind of a way of life for me and to deal with it, I started cutting at age 14.
I thought it was a way out of my problems and soon learned the complete opposite. When I started cutting it hurt, but it helped me release anger so I thought it was ok. After a while I had cut so many times that I had gotten where I couldn't feel the cold blade cut into my skin. There were so many reasons I had for cutting. Sometimes just cause I wanted to feel pain. Other times due to school, fights with family, or just normal life problems.
The main reason I would cut was because my stepmother and I would get into knock down drag out fights and it would cause so many problems for me. From the fights we had, it caused me to have really bad anxiety and panic attacks. Additionally, I used to break out all the time from the stress. Adding to this, kids around me would say stuff behind my back about my scars on my arm.
Then one day I woke up and realized. "Why do I care so much what other people think about me"? People can talk bad about me all that they want, but one of these days I will grow out of being the "Ugly Duckling." However, they will never grow out of being a "Stuck up High Schooler." So, I lived with that one statement in my head for the past two years.
If you really want to stop harming yourself do what I did. My best friend came up to me one day and warned me the price I would pay for what I was doing. I blew her off though, thinking once again, "Oh I'm right --your wrong --I know what I'm doing". But then my dad, the only person who truly kept me from commiting suicide, asked me about it one night.
We were sitting on the porch and he explained he knew what I was doing. I just kind of told him excuses. I felt so wrong for it, because that's all they were was excuses. That's when I told myself I needed to stop.
Since I have stopped cutting my whole perspective on life has changed. Instead of the 50 something scars I used to have, I now have 36. Instead of failing grades I am now an A-B honor roll student. Since I stopped cutting, I have a better view point on everything. I have decided to go to college at Baylor University after High School.
So all of you out there... Don't give up! Please stop injuring yourself or doing anything remotely close to that. From one teen to another - it's a whole lot better without it. There is a light at the end of that dark tunnel. Just don't let yourself give up on that light yet.
Those who ever need to talk, need advice or have any questions please feel free to contact me through e-mail or messanger at prettygirl554@yahoo.com or my myspace URL is www.myspace.com/roxyursox2690. You can reach me at either. Thank You all!
